Balance, or the Illusion Thereof

Our brains crave meaning. We look for it everywhere. Part of this process involves imaging causal relationships between separate events. I remember when I was a child, my internal self would say, "Do this right now!" or perhaps, "Don't do that!" Always for something mundane. Like grabbing a glass from the cabinet instead of a mug, for example. "No, don't grab the glass," my internal self would chide, right before my fingers made contact. I'd pause, then take the mug instead, mentally berating myself. What possible difference could it make?

And then my mind would invent a string of events that would have been, had I taken the glass. I would have finished my water two seconds sooner. Gone onto whatever I was going to do next that much faster. This alteration to the timeline would propagate, eventually resulting in some horrific catastrophe, averted only due to my hesitation, my choice to take the mug instead of the glass. The butterfly effect, applied to every choice.

As I got older I lost my superstition, and stopped listening to those urges, and eventually, the urges themselves disappeared. But I bring up this little peculiarity of mine to talk about the perception we have of all things being linked. Is it possible to jynx one's self? "Gee, I hope we don't get a thunderstorm right in the middle of our hike."

Then the storm strikes, and you remember making the comment that morning.

I've been thinking a lot recently about a related idea: All things are linked in life by the principle of balance. Specifically, that roughly the same amount of bad stuff must happen to you as good stuff. Perhaps you go through life in roughly a state of equilibrium; some people experience nothing too amazing, but on the flip side nothing terribly awful happens to them, either. Others experience wild swings, like winning the lottery but having a fatal car accident the next year.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Newton's law, applied to our perception of good/bad or lucky/unlucky things in life.

I don't necessarily believe this. It's just something to wonder at. There seems to be balance. Is this just an illusion? Probably.

I wouldn't be thinking of this at all if it weren't for Ilana.

I sit here wondering if perhaps the laws of the universe require that I be miserable over her now, precisely because there was once a time when I couldn't have been happier. Balance. This is the price to pay for all the wonderful times. I hope that's not the case.